Nice Church Ladies Don’t Talk About Their Sex Lives or the Porn Under the Bed-PG

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Nice Christian Ladies Don’t Talk About Their Sex Lives – rather I might say lack of marital sex with their husbands- maybe they should. Therefore, this post will share a collection of articles on how the foundations Christian churches are being shaken with scandals exposed by the MeToo movement. *

While I am being shockingly blunt, nice Sunday-go-to-meeting Christian women have kept their secrets – all alone- that their dynamic husband that everybody at church loves have stacks of pornography under the bed.

There! I finally said it!

I think the use of pornography may play a significant role in the damaging of young souls more than we will ever know. Not to infer that husbands who look at porn in secret are out molesting. ( I apologize for being crude. It is hard to find a nice way to say this.)

I have learned by reading and talking to many women their mates use of hard core porn – results in the lack of “love -making” as god intended. Looking at young naked women is demeaning to women and harmful to relationships and does alter the brain significantly.

Child porn is a crime that no adult should posses, EVER! No matter who your spouse is or his job report it to the police as fast as you can. Brace yourself because he may be acting out his fantasy on a child.

Having porn under your bed for a Sunday afternoon “read” may or may not be the case in your home if you are having martial issues. Having your Christian husband loose interest in his wife may or may not apply to your marriage. It could be hormones or depression – consult your family doctor.

Or the “it’s guy thing that I like to look at naked women or men” is NOT mentally healthy for either partners. No one can live up to the fantasies in real life- that is a scientific fact. It certainly distracts from your spirituality whether you are Christian or not. No, you do not ever have to “be submission to your husband” in the way a dirty magazine or a x rated video depicts.

If it does not apply- that it good to hear- but perhaps one of your friends is having some problems it would be helpful to know some facts so nice ladies can talk about such things. “Nice ladies” do not talk about such things.

I am going to break down with the basics.

Trigger Warning! Graphic content not cognitively suitable for minor children.

Every Christian should take the time to be informed on the facts about sexual abuse in the church.
No Non-centsNanna.com

 

Stop falling for lies. Get the facts on sexual abuse to STOP it Now. There are many kinds of abuse. all are harmful.

This post is for those Christian ladies and gentlemen who are too uncomfortable or not sure of the words to search for when wondering about why their Christian marriage is not all that intimate. It has taken me years to be able to feel comfortable spelling out graphic content (I was even a an RN) even when quoting another authors post. But, I know that there are families who are struggling to find answers, but, do not know where to start.

This post contain links to a variety of professionally written articles from Christian and other sources.

 

  • Well, Sister, it’s time to “gird your loins with truth.”

But, WHY have I broken all the taboos?

  • Plugging your ears won’t do anything to stop the crime of sexual abuse in the one place we wrongly believed our children would always be a safe haven – church.
  • I can hear in my head mother’s breathing a sigh of relief saying, “Thank god, I home school my children and they are in church everyday.”

I’m sorry to say that I am going to burst that bubble further down on this page.

The truth has finally come out in exposing the cover-ups in every Christian denomination – everyone seems to be shocked that the nicest guy- who by the way ignores his wife in bed – has been accused of molesting children or raping minors in the congregation.

  • STOP assuming that your church is so “chosen of God” that bad things don’t happen in our church group.
  • Learning the facts will NOT send you to Hell. Facts will help to save lives.

Until recently, not much has been published on the subject of Christian Men and Porn in anything nice ladies can pick up and read and not feel ashamed.

WHY?

Because, too many nice families have been forced keep dirty little secrets for far too long – causing 1,000’s upon 1,000’s if not millions of children’s life have been altered by the heinous crimes of the most charismatic men in the church.

 

Minor children can NOT consent to sexual abuse no matter what the alleged predator claims. The fact that your husband is impotent is NOT a defense. Wake up with the facts, Sisters.

*Disclaimer: Please note this post is not meant to take the place of professional therapy. It is solely for eye opening educational purposes. It is a start.

 

ABUSE OF FAITH

Current as of June 2019

In the past 20 years, about 400 Southern Baptist church leaders and volunteers have faced allegations of sexual misconduct, according to our investigation. They were pastors. Deacons. Ministers. Youth pastors. Sunday school and Christian school teachers. Church program volunteers. They left behind more than 700 victims.

…preached abstinence … urged teens to sign a contract … save themselves for marriage …targeted underaged girls at the church … intimate text messages … physical contact.

… youth pastors across the country … with little oversight or formal training, used their church positions to groom and sexually abuse children … the Houston Chronicle and San Antonio Express-News reveals.

…behind the scenes … flirtations, using cellphones and laptops to message…girls…

…girls as young as 12 … graphic details about “temptations.” … sexual fantasies … masturbated online, displaying himself via social media webcams … describing his activities in texts … urged to send their own explicit images…

Click HERE to read the Houston Chronicle article.

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/investigations/article/All-too-often-Southern-Baptist-youth-pastors-13588292.php

 

When I quoted a few lines from Houston Chronicle above I deliberately used the … hoping that you would fill in the blank with your own groups name. Sexual misconduct is not limited to the Baptists, the Catholics or any Evangelical church…in fact Christian youth groups have been an open invitation for child molesters, sexual misconduct and pedophiles for generations.

 

grooming
the action by a pedophile of preparing a child for a meeting, especially via an Internet chat room, with the intention of committing a sexual offense.
“online grooming has become a growing cause for concern”

RELATED: How can Southern Baptist churches and parents help prevent sexual abuse?

 

One Scenario of Abuse

Walk in the Light: A Pastoral Response to Child Sexual Abuse, 1995

…preadolescent and younger children … a “special” game … no one else is “privileged” to share …the sex abuser is in a position of authority over the child, someone the child loves and trusts.

…may try to explain their actions … may tell a preadolescent youth … “This is your sex education.” … “This will help you feel better.” Children do not understand what is happening and often go along willingly … at first.

… “This is our secret, just between you and me.” Sometimes there is a threat of punishment or injury to others if the child tells anyone. … feelings of shame and guilt … too terrified to seek help. … “family secret” to the outside world is unthinkable.

Click HERE to read the entire article **

http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/child-and-youth-protection/walk-in-the-light.cfm

** This 1995 article has a lot of good information. However, I do no, personally, endorse all of the religious based conclusions.

 

Child grooming – Wikipedia

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming

Child grooming is befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and …. The Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre defines “local grooming” as follows: Localised grooming is a form of sexual exploitation …

A careful grace: Accountability for sex offenders in the church

Many churches are faced with a terribly difficult dilemma of what to do when a sex offender wants to become part of the church community. In my experience, most churches have little to no understanding of the many complex issues related to such a decision. As a result, churches often make decisions that result in great harm to the children and abuse survivors in the congregation.
Child pornography is nothing less than the recording of the sexual abuse of children – each picture is a crime scene, a depiction of real children’s molestation.
…extreme, sadistic, and violent abuse against children. Viewing child abuse images is not a victimless crime .
…Being a good steward in church includes stewarding risky conduct. We should not place a convicted sex offender in a place of temptation…
…recognizing that true repentance is demonstrated by embracing accountability and a lifetime process of authentic transformation.
*** Click HERE to read entire article
***In my opinion this is a very graciously worded article and full of kindness. However, I caution the reader to not be naive about opening your arms to a some one who is a known sexual offender.
it is a fact that more men are addict to porn than women are.
Something I have personally heard then read that wives of child molesters say is, ” My husband could not have molested a child – he loves children. Besides he is impotent . We have not had intimate relationships in years.”
That may have been a big clue right there that needed professional counseling, not just prayer repentance as a cop out.

12 observations after reading The Porn Phenomenon

How would you define “pornography?”

Why do people choose to access pornography?

What affect do you think pornography has on you personally? On your church? On your country?

…this study might not be helpful for everyone to read. At times, it gives TMI (too much information), which could stir up sinful curiosity in your heart.

… Chapter 4 … how pornography affects the mind and intimacy within relationships. 

… findings of this study is how deadly pornography is to real relationships.

…Cambridge University study … porn addicts resembled drug addicts …“wanting it more” but not “liking it more.” The urge to escalate use … desensitization to “regular” porn …increased appetite for more deviant and cruel images / scenarios.

…vicious cycle … dissatisfaction and dysfunction with intimacy in real relationships … marriage. …“one partner comes to sex looking for self-fulfillment … the other hopes for intimate connection”

…When sexual experience is separated from love … cannot ultimately be satisfied or sustained.

1 in 5 youth pastors (21 percent) and 1 in 7 senior pastors (14 percent) admitted they currently use porn” 

Finding a church member who has not been directly affected by pornography is like finding a unicorn.

Click HERE to read the entire article

https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/12-observations-after-reading-the-porn-phenomenon

 

 

Here’s How Our Culture Is Grooming Our Daughters For Pornhttps://foreverymom.com/…/our-culture-is-grooming-our-daughters-for-po…
Aug 10, 2017 – Whether your daughter is seven years old or seventeen, our culture is grooming her for an appetite for pornography. If you have a daughter or …

For some, home schooling is not about learning. It’s about hiding child …Oct 8, 2018 – Colorado’s lax oversight for home-schooled children removes one common … abuse had removed the children from school, claiming they planned to home … to assure that instruction was occurring, or to verify a child’s safety.

The vast majority of parents home schooling nearly 2 million children in the United States do it with good intentions and good results.

Click HERE to read

Are abusive parents hiding behind Iowa’s home-school laws?
Jan 21, 2017 – Two recent cases of child deaths have this in common: Both were … on home-schooled children to assure their safety and education needs are … Knox said she believes children placed into home schooling after a child abuse . Click HERE to read.
The two articles above are more about physical abuse. I am NOT knocking Home-School at all.
One of the common issues in religious groups (that may have cult tendencies ) is that the children are isolated.
Below is a book by by Vennie Kocsis a mentor and good friend of mine. Vennie’s book cult child tells about the abuse children suffer in a cult , The Move, which was recently in a People’s Magazine expose’

Cult Child by Vennie Kocsis

Available for your Kindle on Amazon – click HERE.

 

taken far into the Alaska tundra to live at a compound monitored by armed men and surrounded by miles of woods. Under the guise of Sam Fife’s violent teachings the children become victims of physical, mental and sexual abuse. Sila’s life consists of fighting to maintain just a glimmer of her own humanity, dreaming that her father will find her and save them. Click HERE

 

Best practices for supporting and educating students who have … – NEA
Sexual abuse can happen to children of all ages, cultures, and socioeconomic …. Make a safety plan with the student, parents, and guidance counselor. … violence at home to understand that violence is an inappropriate strategy at school. Click HERE to read article 

Religious Justifications for Child Sexual Abuse in Cults and Alternative Religions

Stephen A. Kent

University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

religious-coloured justifications that pedophiles have used to excuse child sexual abuse in cults and alternative religions operating in the West. These ideologies are a) Western scriptural patriarchalism; b) Western patriarchal incest; c) patriarchalism and polygamous child brides; d) millenarianism; e) antinomianism; f) sex as the means to salvation; g) sex as salvation; and h) levelling all forms of sex as equally fallen. By anchoring abuse within theologically based justifications that are readily available in one or more cultic or alternative religious groups, we gain insight into how sexual exploitation becomes legitimized within societal subgroups. Under leaders’ directions, these subgroups receive theologies that enable forms of child sexual abuse to seem normative because they appear to have divine justification or support. Click HERE to read.

What you should know about women and pornography

 

The neurochemical effect of pornography

When a person uses pornography, two dominant chemicals are released: phenylethylamine (PEA) and adrenaline. Fused together, these two chemicals forge an intoxicating sensation which overpowers the pleasure of both oxytocin and endorphins.

The neurochemical climax released during pornographic ecstasy mirrors the brain activity of a person on crack cocaine.

In Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Initimacy, and the Longing of a Woman’s Heart, Juli Slattery and Dannah K. Gresh state, “The problem is that PEA and adrenaline will only reappear as sexual experiences continue to be new, exciting, and sometimes even dangerous.”

“sexual compulsion can cause physical, anatomic change in the brain, the hallmark of brain addiction.”[1] Over time, the “sex” filter created during pornography gradually alters…

William M. Struthers stated in Wired for Intimacy, “Pornography is the consumption of sexual poison that becomes part of the fabric of the mind.”

… watching pornography … curiosity, loneliness, boredom, rejection, stress, dissatisfaction, curiosity, comfort, connection, or to escape from reality. …seduces with promises …

Biblically, the purpose of sex is to serve your lover selflessly in marriage as Christ loved the church. “

Click HERE to read entire article

https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-you-should-know-about-women-and-pornography

 

6 Reasons Why Sexual Predators Target Churches

Christians Are Naïve

Some sexual offenders state it outright—they go after churches because Christians tend to be naïve. Anna Salter says, “If children can be silenced and the average person is easy to fool, many offenders report that religious people are even easier to fool than most people.”

Reju says, “Christian are, generally speaking, trusting folks. Child abusers recognize this fact and want to take full advantage of it.” He quotes a former prosecutor who lays it out: “For a variety of reasons, we naively tend to automatically lower our guard when we are amongst professing Christians.

This same naïveté is why offenders flock to the faith community; no other environment provides them such quick and easy access to children without fear of raising concerns.”

Christians Are Ignorant of the Problem

Christians —ignorant of the problem of abuse and the extent of the problem within faith communities. … consider it unlikely or impossible that abuse could happen within their church … fail … ignore warnings … disregard reports. Reju says, “Many Christians don’t know how to distinguish likability and trustworthiness.”

…believe children are lying and are more prone to take an adult’s word. Sexual predators know that…

… always looking for help with children’s ministry and often are facing shortages of volunteers, sexual offenders know that…

…quick and easy access to children…

…taught to submit to authority, but not always warned that there are situations in which authority can and must be defied…

…Church offers religious roles or language that abusers can manipulate to accomplish their ugly purposes. …

Click HERE to read entire article

https://www.challies.com/articles/6-reasons-why-sexual-predators-target-churches/

 

Over the decades I have been to many churches. Being a divorced woman makes Christian women uncomfortable.
all too often I had been informed that, “My husband and I are working on our Christian marriage.”
At the time I was never quite sure what “Christian marriage” meant, really especially since I was there to worship, not steal husbands. I faithfully volunteered to teach their kids in Sunday School, so why did I feel offended by the remarks of women feeling they had to protect the boundaries around their husbands?
But, then one Sunday while I was buying our usual Sunday donuts for my daughter a clerk at the 7 – 11 pointed something out to me.
Coffee, Donuts and Porn on a Sunday Morn
I noticed that the coffee and donuts run before church was always a big rush and a long lien to check out. I started leaving for our pre-church donuts about 10 minutes early to avoid the crowd of flirty men proudly displaying there church role on a plastic name tag.
The convenience store clerk said, ” Watch for about 10 minutes. Daddy takes coffee to his wives and donuts for the kiddos.”
I naively said, “That’s sweet. It’s a fun family routine to get donuts on Sunday. Nice hubby. “
” NO, you don’t quite get it, yet. The wife and kids of the church elder or deacon always waited in the cars with the motors running. The husband comes in making passes at the female clerks. Then Daddy will carry out a big box of donuts, 2 cups of coffee and a brown paper bag under his arm. He drives off the church all smiles and charming.”
The clerk told me that she was so confused about why men so proudly took their families to church; held a church office and picked up their Sunday after noon porn – and no body seems to have a problem with that. I do not want anything to do with church now.”
Please, do NOT believe for a minute that dirty magazine are only for the articles.
I admit, I did find problem with the hypocrisy hurtful to me as a nice Christian lady, who happened to be divorced – no bodies business to pass judgement on me – I did not want to pass judgement on any one else for buying porn every Sunday. I was thinking that it was not my problem – little did I realize…
Now, about 20 years later I finally pulled together that there may have been more of a problem than the need to work on a “Christian marriage”.
  • the problem may not have been lack of submission of the wife.
  • the problem may not have been the wive not satisfying the husbands’ God given needs.
  • the problem may not have been the pastor allowing divorced woman with their children from “broken homes” into the church.

I am not writing this post to pass judgement on any one-not my place. My purpose is to tell you nice Christian men and women to, please, open your eyes that you may see , “Not every one who cries Lord, Lord” can be trusted to have behavior behind closed doors that match the words that come out of the mouth.

 

Do my words above make sense after reading at least the quotes I posted?

  • You will not go to Hell for questioning your gut feelings.
  • Your children are not going to Hell because they don’t want to go to a youth activity with a certain adult man. Listen to what they have to say. They may have a very good reason.

 

 

Great Resources

 

New Books On Spiritual And Sexual Abuse

Multiple bloggers sharing, educating and supporting those who have been in unhealthy churches.
Please visit SpiritualAbuse.org
For exceptional insight on spiritual abuse and resources for healing.
Below is a few of the new books on spiritual abuse that have recently been published. If you click on the blue links you will go to their page to find more resources and book synopsis right for you.
Free: From Legalism to Grace Breaking Out of the United Pentecostal Church by Jennifer Brewer is available in Kindle and paperback.
………………………
You don’t have to be in a cult to have a child predator in your church or youth activity for even public or private school. But, the general facts about sexual abuse an act of power and control can be present in any home no matter your belief system.
It happens that churches 100’s of leaders in churches that abuse are in the news right now, and will be for a while longer as more people who were victimized come forward.
If you think your child may be abused or you want to learn more how to prevent this heinous crime from happening to your children you may find these resources valuable.
Have you read Vennie Kossis blog on spiritual abuse? Click HERE

FAQ

Non-religious groups such as pyramid type organizations, sales seminars, some life coaching programs, meditative/hypnosis organizations, non-religious youth boarding facilities, and/or metaphysical groups which are not worship based, for example, can exude abusive, controlling and manipulative behaviors that mentally and physically damage an individual.

Both cults and non-religious dangerous groups have many characteristics in common. They both tend to have a classist system, demand members to adhere to their rites, rituals, rules and expectations, practice shunning anyone who either refuses to comply by excommunication or firing them, public humiliation, and poly abusive behaviors.

Click HERE to learn more facts

 

Thanks for taking the time to begin to become better informed on how pornography may play apart in sexual abuse to our loved ones to to you.

 

Be sure to thank the authors of the resources i encourage you to read.

 

This blog is not intended to be legal advice nor that the place of professional therapy. I do hope that my blogs are eye openers that begin your journey on learning the facts about sexual abuse – it is more prevent that you can imagine.

I am Malika Bourne the No Non-cents Nanna saying make good choice. Please feel free to share on social media.

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