🖐️ As a parent, I’ve experienced the embarrassment of discovering unexpected and exciting items in my child’s pockets. Having been educated in normal and abnormal psychological growth and development of children, I know why small children take things that do not belong to them. This post is meant to calm parents’ nerves and help you make a responsible parenting plan.

Preschool Stealing: Why It Happens and How to Respond

Children ages 3 to 5 may take things impulsively, but with emotionally intelligent guidance, these moments can become powerful lessons in empathy, honesty, and self-regulation—skills that shape lifelong behavior.

🧠 Developmental Facts

• Children ages 3 to 5 are still learning to control their impulses. They may take items out of curiosity, desire, or imitation, but not malicious intent.
• At this age, they don’t fully grasp ownership or consequences, especially if the item is small, colorful, or emotionally appealing (like finger play toys).
• Stealing is common in early childhood and often peaks between ages 4 and 6, especially in group settings like preschool.

 

Personal disclosure:

In kindergarten, the bright fluorescent lights of the grocery store buzzed overhead as I snuck a pack of spearmint gum. It was no accident. I plotted, intending to chew a stick of sweet, delicious gum around my loose tooth and savor the juicy mixture of saliva and mint-flavored rubber on my tongue.

I made it out of the store undetected. Nothing happened. There were no police to swoop in and put me in handcuffs, as my daddy had warned.

I was home free.

The cool, waxy paper crinkled in my hand as I offered a stick to my dad. His face, usually fair, turned a furious crimson, and I swear I could almost *see* steam blowing from his ears. I cannot explain the unfamiliar look on his face. 

I got marched right back to the store.

My father announced that his daughter, me, was a thief. He humbly laid a whole nickel on the counter to pay the cashier. He looked at me. “It’s a good thing I had a nickel, young lady.”

I mouthed back, regretting the truth as I saw it. ” Well, Dad-dee, you spent a whole quarter on Camel cigarettes. And you could have bought me gum instead.”

That was 1956, and I am still a tad paranoid about accidentally leaving something in a grocery cart and not paying for it. I will never put anything in my pockets or purse—not even a tissue for my nose out of fear that I’ve carried for 70 years.

My father put the fear of a god and invisible police of ‘naughty girls’, spending the rest of my life in prison for the want of a stick of gum. He did the best he could with the knowledge base he had. The way he taught me was effective, but harsh. With the knowledge base we have in 2025, parents, grandparents, and childcare providers can teach regulation control in much kinder, less traumatic ways.

Are you ready to explore shoplifting among adults? It’s an interesting current event issue that deserves attention. Leave me a comment or email me at Malika@MalikaBourne.com)

I am saddened to say that I know many older women who think nothing about shoplifting… that is another blog, or update, and I will connect those links as soon as I get it published.

 

👩‍👧 How Parents Can Turn Pediatric Theft Into a Learning Moment

• Stay calm and curious: ask your child where the item came from and why they took it. Avoid shaming language.
• Please return the item together. Taking the child back to the store or classroom helps them understand accountability.
• Model empathy and honesty: Explain how the other person might feel and why it’s essential to ask before taking.
• Use stories and finger plays about sharing, honesty, and kindness to reinforce values playfully.
• Acknowledge honesty when your child admits a mistake. This builds trust and emotional safety.

 

 

 

 

🧬 Lifelong Impact of Early Guidance

• Children who learn empathy, boundaries, and emotional regulation early are less likely to engage in chronic dishonesty or antisocial behavior later.
• Consistent, kind discipline helps build secure attachment and internal motivation—not just fear of punishment.
• Early lessons in honesty and restitution can lead to stronger moral reasoning, better peer relationships, and healthier self-esteem throughout life.

 

Parents, teachers, and early childhood educators: if you found this post valuable, please share it on social media. 

Do you know a parent who would feel better by having a paper copy of this No Non-cents Nanna blog post? By all means, run off a copy for them. * Keep a printed copy in your files.

But please do not mass-produce and claim the writings of Malika Bourne as your own.

The plan for 2026 is to edit the content for the typo queens’ typing errors and formatting, and publish it as an ebook at a reasonable price.

Your feedback is welcome in the comments section. All comments are moderated to eliminate pesky bots.

 

 

🦋 (Bonus)

“This toy is part of a finger play ritual. It teaches rhythm, rhyme, and responsibility. If your child pockets something that isn’t theirs, return it with grace. That’s how we build legacy, not shame.”

*Would you like a printable insert for parents and teachers? Leave a comment if you would like Malika to create a handout on how to deal with ‘stealing’ among 3- to 6-year-olds.

Knowing how to support and guide your child in emotional regulation is a gift for generations.

Sources: 【1†FamilyEducation】【2†The Parenting Pro】【3†Child Mind Institute】【4†NAEYC】【5†First 5 California】

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