Has the whole world forgotten how to use manners?
Is “I could care less attitude” a side effect of COVID-19? No, but, we can learn new or improved skills for how to play well with others when the whole world in suffering from a very bad virus.
It seems as if rudeness is every bit contagious as COVID variants every time some humans open their mouths. Bad attitudes spread like the plague when people stop caring enough to care about one another.
From my analysis of the research I have done over this past year I have concluded that we Americans overall can use an attitude adjustment. We CAN make improvements of our general reactions until we reach herd immunity with the aggressive Biden/ Harris vaccination plan.
Take what you want from my typically over-flowing redundant post and leave the rest.
A standard definition of manners state that ‘manners help those around us to feel more comfortable’.
Common sense and critical thinking disintegrated along with this infectious Manners-Deficiency Syndrome.
2020 was a challenging year filled with so much uncertainty – few persons on this planet were feeling ‘comfortable’ with the CDC’s mitigation strategies and other’s choices on how to “flatten the curve“.
The whole world is feeling COVID pandemic fatigue.
If Only There Was a Cure for ‘I’m Tired of this Sh*t’
We cannot control other people’s emotional or reactions to mask wearing, lockdowns, vaccinations, job loss, the corona virus variants. But we CAN control our own actions in response to the anxious feelings we are suffering.
So, what do you think would happen IF we focused on being respectful to others? Would it catch on in a helpful way until we get back to some kind of “normal”?
It is our nature to feel more safe and secure when we know what is expected. Structure and protocol for our behavior is an anchor that keeps people grounded to civil outcomes. Our safety net has been ripped out from under the whole world by this mutant virus.
When rules are not followed for whatever reason we humans have the tendency to react adversely to the disruption of our routine ways of doing things. (We get irritable, to say the least.)
Let us remember how far kind language and decent actions can go to help one another get through this social distancing and isolation?
A tremendously annoying bug-a-boo in 2020 and 2021 is the disagreements over the courtesy of wearing a face mask to protect ourselves and those around us.
Thank God, there are still good folks who are doing to others acts of kindness. May we learn from their examples because actions do matter to the health and safety of our family and community.
Even before the Pandemic of 2020 began, we ‘old folks’ had more than noticed that young people were woefully lacking in social graces in public to a greater degree than in generations past. The rules of etiquette may not have been the routine practice at home. Boundaries may not exist in some neighborhood cultures, though’ critically needed.
Keep Your Hogs on Your Own Side of the Fence.
Good manners demonstrate that we care enough to set our own boundaries as well as respecting our neighbors’ boundaries in spite of our current adversities.
Robert Frost popularized an old proverb when he wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors” in his 1914 poem “Mending Wall”. The old proverb was spot on.
Wearing a clean face mask, washing your hands, keeping a 6-foot distance is the ultimate good fence to keep these viral critters from going hog wild in the neighbor’s field, so to speak. Keep your germs to yourself.
My mother used to say, “Your freedom ends where my daughter’s body begins.” (Er-hum…what she meant can still apply to respiratory transmitted infections.)
Public Health Advocates cringed as the shoulder-to-shoulder unmasked crowds at the Black Lives Matter protests. the Republican election campaign rallies. Respecting the boundaries of the property of others is a desirable action for protesters exercising the right to freedom of speech and the right to assemble.
Masks are a fairly affective barrier (combined with other mitigation efforts) when you can’t hold your breath long enough to avoid sucking in any germs into your nose, eyes or throat.
On Setting Appropriate Boundaries
There really are better ways to make people feel somewhat less threatened /comfortable when setting much needed boundaries than rioting or screaming at bystanders.
- Don’t get mad: communicate what and where your boundaries are.
- Assume that few people can mind read.
How do you establish healthy boundaries?
Here are 4 of 8 Steps to Creating Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
- Communicate …
- Learn to say ‘no
- Trust the vibes you get.
- Respect yourself enough to walk away
Click HERE to read the entire article.
- Be polite even if you do not agree with someone.
- Setting appropriate boundaries is like planning ahead for the best outcome of a goal.
- Practice makes perfect.
Do You want to Know a Secret?
And now, with the world-wide internet too many social media users lured by “I know a secret the government and Dr Fauci won’t tell you conspiracy theories ” have crossed the critical lines between taking socially acceptable actions to people getting caught up in destructive riots.
From my experience more often than not, when someone pushes you to keep a secret it is a red flag.
Cancel Culture trolled social media pages reeking emotional havoc on those who did not accept the conspiracy theories falsely claiming that “this pandemic is nothing but a hoax”. Good people who had always been considerate members of communities get all stirred up emotionally by disinformation. In a panic to do something to save the nation go for broke far beyond bad manners to breaking the law.
Harassing someone with name -calling and lies makes others feel uncomfortable and then some…
I personally watched old friends buy into disinformation then dropped their niceness like a live lethal grenade to uncharacteristically argue “how stupid sheeple are to be controlled by evil the government“. I still those folks, having a great deal of concern for their health.
Will you explore with me the basics of best behavior and social skills to alternatives for the questionable language and rude actions and consequences of wrongly assuming that manners don’t matter?
7 Reasons to Use Good Manners according to No Non-cents Nanna
- “Good manners show you care enough to help others to feel more comfortable around us,” * so it has been said for generations.
- Good manners help you to be more approachable then if you are not polite.
- Kind words make you appear to be credible, intelligent and able to make good choices.
- Being nice costs nothing with very little effort other than daily practice with sincerity.
- Following social rules lets other know that they can expect you to be fair encourages others to want to be around you.
- Using polite words such as “please and thank you” help others to be more willing to act on your request because they do not fear that you cannot manage your emotions. Iin other words you won’t flip out and have a tantrum.)
- When you show socially acceptable skills you can feel good about yourself. (You won’t have a need to cover up with lame excuses for being a ‘jerk’ then regretting an outburst.)
What does it mean to “have good manners”?
What is another word for good manners?
Synonyms for Good Manners: n. •attribute (noun) good manners, courtesy. Other synonyms: •n. conventionality, decency, etiquette, fittingness, formality, gentility, graciousness, manner, personal manner, properness, refinement, seemliness, suavity, Conventionalities, respectableness, fine points, fine point.
I like to call the words “please and thank you” magic words because they make people smile. However, I must admit that I might be torn between two thoughts when a kid politely says, ‘yes ma’am’ or ‘please and thank you’.
- – I love how this person was raised.
- … what does this “kid” want in return?
Why is that we don’t seem to complement each other very often anymore, either? “That’s a lovely dress you are wearing Mrs. Cleaver.” But not in a conniving Eddie Haskel way. ( Eddie on Leave It to Beaver (TV Series 1957–1963) – IMDb was – a sneaky little rat, a two-faced suck-up and a tinpot bully. )
Anyone can become out of sorts and then some without a normal amount of human interaction that humans need. A smile (under the mask they’d rather not wear) ** you can kindly ask, “Hi, how are you? Beautiful day, isn’t it?” maybe just the cure for pandemic loneliness for the grumpy couple standing on the 6-feet-part markings on the floor at the grocery store.
This No Non-cents Nanna’s concern is far greater than saying, “please and thank you” or
shaking hands when you meet a new person on the street. (Do the Pandemic Elbow Bump.)
Showing good manners is much more than the old geezers who opened the door for a lady if only to flirt a little for a smile in return.
On the Flip Side
Labeling people with words like, “dotard”, “psycho”, “narcissist”, “Naxi”, “sheeple”… at one point on social media in 202o was out of control bullying- beyond bad manners. Name-calling is not helpful to anyone.
But, pay attention to your gut feelings. The most polite and charming could very well be faking it in order to deceive you. “Buyer beware of the charismatic con man selling snake oil.”
I take issue with all the nastiness we see on social platforms that will come back to haunt people someday. Manners have been thrown out to be replaced by radically stark distrust of the democratic process that has propelled violence in the very places we hold sacred and safe. HERD Mentality takes over and before you know it all of your friends have “jumped of the Brooklyn Bridge.”
Inconsiderate actions and sudden changes in moral, ethical and legal values have destroyed family units this last year. Institutions and communities have been desecrated and even demolished by formerly good-natured community leaders who abandoned their “I care about my neighbor” values when they participated in recent riots incensed about election results and their rights as Americans.
I present a few eye-openers father down in this post after points on basic good manners that hope more people will apply in good faith. (See Consequences below.)
Can incivility lead to a spiral of aggression and tarnish a culture? by Christine L. Porath and Amir Erez investigate. Click HERE to read entire article.
Rude and disrespectful behaviours are very prevalent … One quarter of employees polled in 1998 said they were treated rudely once or more a week; by 2005 that number had risen to nearly half (Porath & Pearson, 2010). In a poll of nearly 800 employees, 25 per cent reported witnessing workplace rudeness daily (Pearson & Porath, 2005), and this number seems to be climbing.
The growing number of reported uncivil acts …. Half of customers… see employees treat their co-workers rudely, 50 per cent report seeing employees treat customers badly, … 40 per … experience rudeness from service employees … (Porath et al., 2010). …. also show the other side – that employees in service organisations are commonly the targets of customers’ uncivil and rude behaviors (Boyd, 2002; Grandey et al., 2004; Harris & Reynolds, 2003; Ringstad, 2005).
Sixty per cent of teenagers witness uncivil events daily in American schools (Discovery Channel, 2004).
Let’s refresh our brains with the basics…
Your child’s rude ‘tude isn’t always intentional. Sometimes kids just don’t realize it’s impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind.
Click HERE to go to Parenting slide show…
- Don’t have kids? Could a refresher hurt you or me?
***Don’t Just Take My Word for It: Check out what others say …
Have you paid attention to how you feel when a person giving customer services, ” Please, hold. ” and “Says, thank you for your patience?”
We kind of don’t have a choice about waiting our turn, now. We can get antsy when our tummy is growling. We are obligated to be patient before you even start to wait. We tend to be more willing to bide your time when nobody yells at you. Right? Thus the person on the other end of the line politely clues you in on the behavior that is expected.
- We may want to practice saying the nicer versions of telling someone ‘what you would like them to do or where to go’. (Please, don’t even think it- I have URLs below for humorous alternatives to that kind of language. I’m not going to make a list of all the possible negative ways anyone could declare, “Sit down and shut up while you wait for your turn. CRINGE! )
Do you “play well with others”?
How Are Your Social Skills?
- Knowing how to get people’s attention without being annoying is part of having gracious social skills.
- Are there polite ways to get someone’s attention in a socially acceptable way other than the need to yell, “FIRE!”
- Children are well known to have melt downs. Ask yourself if you respond to the child in a polite manner as you would an adult friend who is upset? Or will you react in a way that does not make your child feel safe and secure? * see #1 above
Self-disclosure: My parents often forgot to feed me and put me down for a nap. Then they yelled at me for whining as I would get myself immature nerves would up to a full-blown melt down.
Sometimes adults act out for the same reasons as I did when I was a 3-years-old. My immature way of communicating my basic needs as growing child was a not so appropriate way of getting my needs met. I did not “play well” with my parents… It seems like we all are having a hard time “playing well” with the powers that be during this historic disaster.
Throwing a fit is not the way to get attention to have your basic needs met. Yet, don’t we all feel like we need a snack and nap and nobody is listening? Some more than others.
Oh, if life was that simple.
*** (See below my comments and references on Karens Who Refuse to Mask.)
When adults are yelling back or name-calling, they are not demonstrating social mature methods of “playing well with others” to the child. Being rude will not “fix” anyone who is failing ‘how to get attention” when he/she does not understand their own need.
We all can think of examples when we have been rudely interrupted: while talking on the phone; in the grocery store line; being cut off … So, how to you get someone’s attention in order to stand up for you rights and/ or set boundaries?
Here we are in a pandemic in need of something different to watch on the nightly news. Certainly, storming the Capitol in Washington DC on January 6, 2021 got the attention of the world. But, that was not the way to get the legally approved attention of the lawmakers in the United States 2021 storming of the United States Capitol – Wikipedia
‘COVID Karens’ Don’t Play Well With Others…
Karen is a slang term used as an antagonistic female character in memes. “Karen” is generally characterized as an irritating, entitled woman, sometimes as an ex-wife who took custody of “the kids.”.Reference: knowyourmeme.com/memes/karen
If we play the Devil’s Advocate, we may want to explore a few of the reasons why people are refusing to wear masks.
With that said, those of us who faithful do our part to help mitigate the spread of this novel virus, feel that “anti-mask “Karens” are not only inconsiderate of other person’ health and safety, but, are lacking in skills in SEL ****
It is never OK to scream or shout at stores employees trying to do their jobs to serve the customers who are abiding by Public Health recommendations, let alone spray spit all over merchandise.
Inexperience with Illness and Death Some people not wearing masks are young adults in their twenties and thirties. In the United States, these younger adults have by-and-large grown up with vaccinations for polio, measles, mumps, rubella, chickenpox, and human papilloma virus (HPV).
Why are so many people not wearing masks?If the need for control is the driving force for someone not wearing a mask, empathizing with their feelings of uncertainty … Most of us ― pro-masks, anti-masks ― share that same baseline fear.
On the Other Side of the Mask
What to do if someone doesn’t want to wear a mask? Be polite, cool calm and collected.
(Remember: Good Manners help those around use to feel more comfortable. Also, No Non-cents Nanna always says about RULES. Rules us to feel more safe and secure when we know what is expected of us. )
What to do if someone doesn’t want to wear a mask?
Avoid yelling, arguing, or lecturing, which can make people defensive. There are certain arguments that may be powerful to people who don’t want to wear masks. “Try to appeal to the greater purpose of wearing the mask,” says Klapow.
How comfortable do you feel with the FACTS on CVOID-19 or anything else that people are politically or religiously divided on in 2021?
Knowing the facts can help you feel more confident. (But, PLEASE, don’t regurgitate more than we need to know to the mask-less person you just pinned against the wall. See the following quote.)
With that said, those who were bombarded with and accepted the disinformation feel that they “know the secrets that the government doesn’t want them to know.” They will tell you to “research the facts.” They may even blast you on your Facebook page how “you are being the sheeple – the CDC has been lying to you. STOP spreading lies about this hoax. You are fear mongering…” (That’s another story. I may have read it all on my Facebook page in 2020 – Talk about Cancel Culture …)
Cancel culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person. Those who are subject to this ostracism are said to have been “cancelled”. (See below: Social Media)
Ostracism does not help others to feel comfortable around you.
Saying the Cancel Culture methods do not show good manners is an understatement of what good people have fallen into. There are a few important things to remember when someone is attacking your integrity: assuming we are the ones with integrity. (Read Social Media below)
- You cannot control anyone else’s behavior or words. You can only control your own.
- Don’t Feed the Trolls with your reaction.
- Be nice or don’t respond at all with negative attention.
(Without being an asshole.)
“If you bully, threaten or guilt someone to change, … will invoke primal defense mechanisms that will end in aggression,” … viral videos of strangers reacting poorly to mask shaming to prove her point.
… people have their reasons for not wanting to wear them. … respect that it can be tough for people to let their justifications go. “Fear will generally keep the mind closed. … to admit that we may be wrong or have to change can be an incredibly scary thing,” says Appleton.
For the answers to What to Say click HERE
- Politely listening with empathy and validation does NOT mean you agree with their reasons.
“It sounds like all these mitigation strategies are tough for you to do.”
Sorry, I don’t have any real answers for retail management about the Mask issue when people have negative views on wearing a mask during a pandemic. I’ll hope that your employees and customers can use their good manners in such a way that they don’t instigate or provoke someone who has an aversion to mask-wearing.
“The health of their fellow citizens and the general public is the best reason,”
…“By wearing a mask you can protect the people around you, family, friends and the general public. Not everyone is healthy … medical conditions and impaired immune systems.
… want to get back to ‘normal’ then wearing a mask is the way to do it and it shows consideration for our communities.”
One study found that masks help when someone coughs near you, which releases as many as 3,000 droplets.
Is Swearing Rude?
Given our Constitutional Right to FREE SPEECH it seems to me that that social med users cross the line etiquette line posts and reply all too often with the not so mannerly words. I am not suggesting banning certain words, but, to think about how the consequences of the too frequent usage of the not so -polite foul words can and will affect your future. (See the consequence below.)
- Why would anyone be concerned about using swear words besides demonstrating one may have a limited vocabulary when giving details.
- Certainly, the F-bomb overused. Swearing, can often be more than an emotional explosion that can raise eyebrows- depending on the crowd.
“I sometimes feel our vocabulary is stunted thanks to this convenient word. The idea is to not as much eliminating the word but adding fun alternatives to one’s arsenal of colorful language,” said Keshav to Mashable.
… more aware of insensitively used words like “bipolar” and “retarded” in everyday conversation — which made her realize how often we use the F word in often unnecessary ways.
… “There no denying that it’s a powerful and impactful word,” she said. “At the same time, an unconscious overuse of it can be f…’ annoying (see what I did there)?”
RUDE Words May Have Consequences
I am not hear to judge. I admit that blowing ff steam with a specific word or too can be an immediate release of tension. But, yes, naughty language is rude (unmannerly) if your words make those around us feel uncomfortable by our choice of words. There may be consequences to your choice of words or gestures.
I have an offensive comment to make that you may not be expecting…(I’m closing my eyes to type this.)
In my humble opinion is I also feel it rude, being far from mannerly, for people to demand that another person not swear in their presence when they say this, “I’m a Christian. Don’t swear in front of me.”
If you are the loving and caring person you believe are, then why not show it, by not commanding “sinners” to obey your rules because you chose to be “Christ-like”. Is it possible to state that you feel uncomfortable with some of those words? Or, can you say, “I’m sorry. Can you, please, use a vocabulary that I can follow? I really want to understand what is making you so upset?”
New Meaning to “This Goes on Your Permanent Record”
Did you know that anything and everything posted online is FOREVER? (Even if you delete your comment or is posted in a private group.) You can be tracked down by your IP address. Your words are written on stone that cannot be erased.
- A customer, a neighbor or an employer# may decide to do a search on your name. He/ she can find out about what you do on your own time then question if your standards meet the company standards. In short- you might be fired before you get hired.
- In the future your prospective spouse may not trust you – for good reasons.
- The law could track you down from you most recent posts that mentioned a crime you were planning. In that case I hope you do get caught
The most current examples of social media posts going on someone’s’ permanent record has to do with the January 6th Insurrection where a mob stormed the United States Capitol building in attempt to overturn the 2020 election.
Participants in the violent attack against the US Congress took selfies of their wrongful acts on Capitol grounds and inside the building thus unwittingly implicated themselves.
Mobbers bragged about the destruction they did on LIVE social media to friends and family who subsequently turned the criminals in to authorities. At this date over 375 people have been arrested in conjunction with this over- the-top far from mannerly invasion of Capitol building in Washington D.C on January 6, 2021.
Politely Grow Your Vocabulary – the far side
Get creative with how to tell someone that you don’t want them in your dance space. Below are links to 2 articles with 65 ways to not actually saying “F-off.” (Sorry about the language.)
OK, I have been around boys who cussed verbally and with their fingers. Are they being disrespectful?
I feel that there is a time and place for youth to test the boundaries. Being rude, crude and obnoxious, in varying degrees might be a part of the maturing process, especially for males when only the guys are looking. The “trick” here is in the confidence that they have been raised and taught by adults who expect the kids to know how to show respect by acting like a gentleman or a lady in social settings.
“Because I said so,” is not a good enough reason to be polite. So, I made a list of ideas plus some other good resources.
Does Rudeness Affect Performance?
Rudeness disrupts cognitive functioning, which diminishes performance and reduces helpfulness. When individuals do not feel respected, they tend to either shut down or use up valuable cognitive assets trying to make sense of the environment.
What are the effects of disrespectful behavior?Disrespectful behavior chills communication and collaboration, undercuts individual contributions to care, undermines staff morale, increases staff resignations and absenteeism, creates an unhealthy or hostile work environment, …
Social Media Behavior
I find it worrisome that so many people using social media have this false sense of anonymity and invisibility. No one cares if you comment or post and you’re not wearing pants – just don’t post a picture as that will get you banned after some creep snatches your image to sell it to only God knows who in what part of the world.
Bullying someone is not cool. Even if you use a fake name the law can hunt you down to bring legal charges against you. (I’m not a lawyer. See below for links to legality of cyber bullying. )
… legal implications of cyberbullying. … the intention to cause emotional distress, discredit, humiliation, or offense to someone is considered an aggressor. The legal implications of cyberbullying could be understood as a direct consequence of the degree of a crime.
Both the aggressor and the victim must be minors for it to be considered cyberbullying. … cyberbullying is defined as bullying among peers in the ICT environment. It includes blackmailing, harassment, and insults by children to other children. The attack either threatens the victim or makes them feel inadequate.
The seriousness … everything is recorded on the Internet
To continue reading click HERE
Appropriate ways to Get Attention You Seek
Learning how to play well with others by learning proper etiquette, emotional self-regulation and caring actions for others begins at home when we all are very young. If we don’t learn these skills we may suffer the consequences until we do learn. Moreover, those around us may also suffer the consequences from those who fail to follow critical guidelines such as doing your part to Flatten the Curve.
****Social emotional learning (SEL) teaches important life skills like managing emotions, building relationships, and making decisions. …
It’s true that knowledge is power… Children must also learn social-emotional skills like managing emotions, practicing self-discipline, setting goals, and making decisions. … “social emotional learning” (SEL).
… benefits for students… improved school performance … healthier friendships…. strong social and emotional competence are more likely to graduate high school and have a successful career…
Teaching social emotional learning has many benefits for children… To read the rest of this enlightening list CLICK HERE
- Increased ability to cope with life challenges
- Reduction of anxiety and depression
- Enhanced ability to make… informed decisions
- Improved confidence …
Disclaimer: this post is the opinion of Malika Bourne the No Non-cents Nanna